Rationality is a Human Disorder
by A Faggot
Summary: Homura asks. Kyubey answers.


**Set after Sayaka becomes Octavia, Mami kills Kyouko and the surviving two Puella Magi resolve to fight Walpurgisnacht together.**

* * *

 _"Silence fills the empty grave, now that I have come. But my mind is not at rest, for questions linger on..."_

 _-Gravemind, "Halo 2"_

 **Rationality is a Human Disorder**

Madoka collapses into her bed and falls asleep instantly. Homura doesn't blame her; three of her best friends died tonight and her world had been turned upside down. If anything, the black haired girl wishes she too can fall into the arms of slumber like that, and let her body rest and her mind recollect itself.

Instead, her brain is abuzz with thoughts, questions, hypotheses, postulations and extrapolations. Homura's mental unrest prevents her from obtaining physical rest, and so her body remains conscious as the alarm clock on Madoka's nightstand counts down the seconds until morning.

The headlights of a passing vehicle lights the room up for an instant, and Homura catches the glimpse of a cat-like shadow on the far wall.

"You." Homura's intonation is neither accusatory nor hostile, nor anything at all, really. At any other time, she would flinch at how flatly she said the word.

"Yes, may I come in?" replies Kyubey in his usual faux-cheerful voice. "You must surely have questions."

The shield maiden casts a glance at Madoka's sleeping face before answering. "No. Not here. Follow me."

* * *

It doesn't take long for them to climb to the top of a nearby skyscraper, away from prying eyes and ears. Although night still reigns over Mitakihara, from 500 feet up, the first vestiges of pink and indigo is visible on the eastern horizon. It is on this smidgen of color that Homura focuses her attention on, rather than the creature hopping onto a nearby air duct.

"Let's cut to the chase," chirps Kyubey. "Inquire, and I will endeavor to answer to the best of my ability."

The shield maiden is silent for a few moments more before finally obliging Kyubey. "Why?"

"Hmm?" Homura is shocked at Kyubey's innocent-sounding dismissal. How can he pretend to be innocent, as if he wasn't the one to rob them of their humanity. As if he hadn't caused Sayaka's, Mami's and Kyouko's deaths. She whirls upon the cat-like creature in a fit of silent fury (as much fury as a girl like Homura can muster up, anyways).

"You always knew what would happen once a Magical Girl became overwhelmed by despair," the glass-wearing girl manages to stammer out. "So why? Why do you want us to become...become..." The pigtailed Magi's stomach twists as she remembers Madoka's screams before her blackened Soul Gem shattered into a thousand pieces and a dark monster rose out of the shell that used to be Homura's best friend.

"Witches?" Kyubey supplies helpfully with a swish of his tail. He doesn't sound moved by the black haired Magi's outburst at all.

"How can you talk so casually, Kyubey? You killed Sayaka, Mami and Kyouko and condemned the rest of us to the same fate. Do you not feel anything?" Homura's voice is heavy with tears.

"Of course not." The ever present smile on Kyubey's face, which was initially so cute and charming, seems so cold and menacing now. "Nor am I able to. Sayaka chose to become a Magical Girl out of her own free will. She decided not to use Grief Seeds out of her own volition. Her transformation was wrought by her own actions and decisions. Why do you hold me responsible for the fate she brought on herself with her own hands?"

 _'Nor am I able to?'_ A chill runs down her spine. "Kyubey, what are you?"

"That is a very vague question, Akemi Homura. But I've been asked this question enough times to know what you're really trying to ask me. What sort of creature must I be to have no emotions?

"The answer is simple. My species is a species foreign to your planet. We came to Earth to find a method to combat entropy—ah, I'll have to explain that too. Basically, every time energy changes forms, some of it is lost. To give an example, the usable energy released by a bonfire is less than the energy it took to grow the wood it burns.

"To prevent the universe from coming to a cold end, our civilization searched for a form of energy not bound by the laws of thermodynamics. Eventually, we developed technology that could convert the emotions of sentient lifeforms into energy. Unfortunately, we as a species do not possess the capability to feel emotions; it is seen as a rare mental disorder among us. So we took to the stars in search of a lifeform that did."

"And that's how you found us," interjects Homura.

"Indeed," affirms Kyubey with a nod. "The emotional fluctuation of each individual going through life was most suitable for our purposes. Girls in the second stage of development tended to experience the greatest alternations between emotional peaks. At the moment your Soul Gems flare out and turn into Grief Seeds, a vast amount of energy is generated. It is my job as an Incubator to collect that energy."

"And that's all you care about, isn't it?" Homura's mind is racing as she struggles to process the influx of information. Connections are made and consequences arrived at in fractions of a second as her brain fires on all cylinders. "The suffering each girl goes through, you don't care about that at all. We're just energy sources to you!"

"You seem to be implying that we should give special consideration to you on account of the fact that you are humans. Indeed, the ethicists of your species all agree on the concept of 'the value of human life.' We do not understand this sentiment. Certainly, your lives have value, but only insofar as all living beings do. The human population numbers over 7 billion and grows by 10 per second. Why should the lives and suffering and deaths of a few matter at all?"

"If that is what you really think, then you are the enemy. You are evil!"

"Evil? We cannot understand such a concept, though we have long striven to comprehend it. It's rather strange how you humans brand anything that can be personally detrimental as 'evil' so that you can espouse yourselves as 'good.' For a long time we could not understand why humans needed to be morally superior, nor why they even came up with this system of morality in the first place. It cannot be anything that objectively exists, nor something powerfully binding, for humans are so often willing to for their personal gain."

Kyubey blinks and Homura swears his smile stretches into a predatory smirk. Cold, instinctive fear grips her body and turns her stomach to ice.

"But recently, we have come up with an acceptable hypothesis: it is because humans are primarily emotional creatures. Although mankind possesses reason, it is not their highest function. Indeed, a pattern arises if we look at the people throughout the ages who have relied on rationality as their primary guide—they all experienced something that you humans would classify as 'heavy emotional trauma' or 'emotional abuse.' We surmise that this emotional damage allows them to suppress their proclivity to obey their emotions and allows their secondary faculties to inform their will instead. Indeed, if having emotions is a mental disorder for our race, then it can be fair to say that rationality is a human disorder.

"Now, since humans are emotional creatures, their natural inclination is to gratify their emotions by 'feeling good.' This makes morality very convenient as a construct because it allows humans to 'feel good' by 'being good.' And somewhere along the line, this idea of good and bad has gotten so ingrained in the collective human psyche that you accept as an axiom that all sentient beings must also adopt such a system of morality. But here's the ironic thing: imposing one's belief on another who is unwilling fits the definition of oppression, which is something you count as evil, so that would make _you_ the evil one.

"But of course, you won't be able to accept that. You humans do tend to be shortsighted and prefer to ignore reality in favor of your own idealistic visions. Just the fact that Magical Girls reject the pain inhibition, regeneration and other benefits of the Soul Gem because of a perceived loss of humanity when, in reality, their substance has not changed at all proves the point."

All the while Kyubey talks, the frigid fear in Homura's stomach has been thawing into something warmer. Hotter. Molten. A strange energy causes her fists to clench and her arms to shake.

A sudden moment of lucidity reveals a startling insight.

Kyubey had talked about the Soul Gems before when Sayaka first found out the truth about the jewels, and Homura had thought it was an awful thing for Kyubey to do to them. But now, a realization presents itself to her with alarming clarity: the things the Soul Gem does for a Magical Girl truly are blessings. What a warrior of the ancient days would give to be able to fight without pain, to be able to heal back to health the most grievous of wounds! And not just soldiers would be able to appreciate the boon of Soul Gems. The laborer can work without worrying about the aching of his body. The young child can play to his heart's content without fretting about scrapes, bruises and broken bones. The white collar worker can ignore the weariness of the rat race. Indeed, for any other demographic than the one chosen to become Magical Girls, the Soul Gem would be a most valuable gift. But to adolescent girls, and only to adolescent girls, would they be a curse.

It's convenient, too convenient. Homura tries to ask if Kyubey did this intentionally, but finds herself unable to speak. Something constricts her chest and closes her throat. A strange tension tightens her muscles. It takes a while for the time manipulating Magi to identify what this odd new sensation she's feeling is.

Hatred.

Timid, little Homura never hated anyone; her heart condition wouldn't allow her to. She never hated her parents who abandoned her to hospital care and died early deaths due to unhealthy, stressful lifestyles and depression. She never hated her relatives for treating her like an obligation and trying to pass her off to someone else. She never hated her classmates (when she was healthy enough to go to school) for treating her like an exotic specimen and losing interest once she stopped being 'new' and 'fresh.'

But healthy, magical Homura hates. She hates Kyubey. She hates him for ruining the lives of hundreds upon thousands of Magical Girls and their families, and not feeling a single shred of remorse. She hates him for killing Sayaka, Mami and Kyouko. And most of all, she hates him for condemning Madoka to a lifetime of suffering and to a dark and despairing death. She hates him so much she thinks she'll die. Not since she was released from the hospital has Homura felt like this, with her being unable to breathe due to the tightness in her chest and wondering if this time her heart will stop and never start again.

But of course, her heart doesn't stop. It can't stop before Homura falls into despair and becomes a Witch, because that's how the Incubators designed her: tough and durable, because it would be such a shame if Magical Girls died before giving them the energy they so desire.

Then, a single thought materializes in her mind. Kyubey should suffer. Homura should make him feel the pain every Magical Girl has felt.

So she does.

There's a deafening _boom_ , and nine millimeters of lead is buried in between the alien's eyes. A puddle of crimson ichor pools around his corpse. The moment and the action is over and done so quickly that Homura doesn't even have time to think.

As Homura slips the still smoking gun back into the pocket dimension in her shield, the enormity of the situation crashes down on her.

Kyubey may have been a heartless bastard who views humans as nothing more than living batteries, but he was still knowledgeable, he could've been useful. Homura still remembers the hopelessness she felt when she saw Walpurgisnacht. She can still recall her helplessness before the metal monstrosity and her endless hordes of familiars. The last time Madoka and her had fought the Ultimate Witch, they had barely won, and Madoka had converted as a result. Now it's just the two of them again, doomed to repeat the same fate. Kyubey might have been the last thing that could change their destiny, and Homura had destroyed him with her own hands.

Bitter tears of despair well up in the black haired girl's eyes as she falls to her knees. It's all over. Mami, Kyouko and Sayaka are dead. Kyubey is dead. And soon, Madoka will be dead. In the best case scenario, Homura will be dead too. In the worst case, she will live on as the sole survivor. But neither living in a world without Madoka nor rewinding time again sounds appealing to her. There's no end to this nightmare. It would be better if she—

"A fruitless endeavor, Akemi Homura." A familiar, faux-cheerful voice snaps the shield wielder out of her depressed musings. "My body, like your's is merely a shell for my soul, which is being projected in from afar. I have plenty of spares, but please don't go around destroying them for no reason." Another identical Kyubey is perched on the ledge behind Homura. He hops down and scampers swiftly over to the carcass of the previous Kyubey and rapidly consumes it. Within seconds there is not a single trace of the dead cat-like creature.

"I suppose I brought that on myself," chirps Kyubey. "Manipulating emotions is always perilous, because humans tend to act unpredictably when acting on emotion alone. The algorithm still needs to be refined. Perhaps—"

"'Manipulating emotions?'" Homura whispers. She pulls out her Soul Gem. It's nearly opaque with darkness.

"Yes. Over time, we have learned to identify when girls are emotionally vulnerable and susceptible to being pushed to despair. It is not unlike your kind feeding livestock growth hormones to make them ready for slaughter faster. This is still very much a work in progress, however. The success rate is less tha—"

 _Bang!_

She was a fool for thinking Kyubey could've been helpful. She was a fool for ever trusting him in the first place. They don't need him.

Homura puts away her pistol away and cleanses her Soul Gem with a Grief Seed. She feels better instantly.

It may be just Madoka and her fighting Walpurgisnacht again, but that's just fine. Things will be different this time. After all, Homura has seen that steel behemoth defeated twice, and had fought it once. Armed with this knowledge, Homura can do better. She can defeat Walpurgisnacht with Madoka. She can save Madoka from her fate. She can bring about her happy ending with her own hands, if only she is strong enough, smart enough, fast enough.

The sable haired Magi leaves the rooftop as the first rays of dawn rises on Mitakihara. Behind her, another Kyubey is already devouring the corpse of the previous one.

A small, detached part of herself notes that something is broken inside her. She's numb, too numb, but she doesn't care. She only regrets that whatever piece of herself is broken lies mingled with alien skull bits and skull pieces, and not with the crystal shards that are the remnants of Mami and Kyouko's souls.

* * *

 **Kyubey is fun to write. I feel like I rehashed too many of the ideas the show already went over, and missed too many ideas that I wanted to mention. Sacrificed for the sake of brevity :(**


End file.
